Funny craigslist truck ads

Funny craigslist truck ads DEFAULT

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Just when you thought you had seen all the funny Craigslist ads, here comes another from Alaska. Yes, Alaska. As in Anchorage. And we would love to take credit for finding this, but lets face it, we don&#;t have time to sit on Craigslist all over the world looking for funny ads. Apparently BangShifter Mark Kimball does however, since he sent us this one, which may be due to the fact that he lives in Alberta Canada and that&#;s smack dab in the middle of one of the nowheres. But back to the ad. This ad has great stuff in it to describe this GMC Denali Crew Cab. Things like &#;It is a ¾ ton, 4-wheel drive, luxury work horse and it was cast from smelted bullet casings and stealth fighters by God&#;s own iron fist to be rode hard and put away wet.&#; Oh yeah, that&#;s just scratching the surface. And to top it all off it&#;s a GIRL who wrote the ad!

You can click the link at the bottom of the page to visit the original ad, but below is all the text and a photo. (We are assuming that the dog is not included in the sale.)

GMC Denali- miles &#; $ (Anchorage)

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GMC Denali. $45, Below Blue Book!!!! Why you ask? This truck may be more loaded than an Irishman in a whiskey-drinking contest, but it is no Sunday driver. It is a ¾ ton, 4-wheel drive, luxury work horse and it was cast from smelted bullet casings and stealth fighters by God&#;s own iron fist to be rode hard and put away wet. It may have a couple of scratches on it but that is ok. And do you know why? Because it&#;s a truck. And you&#;re a man. And together you are Maximus Meridius from Gladiator. And while women may swoon at your kind hard heart and gentile touch, underneath it all you are a BAMF who doesn&#;t back down from a fight and you have the scars to prove it. Because you sweat pure gasoline, and bleed oil and all you need is your hp Vortec chariot to get you to the promise land.

Your boats and snow machines are nothing but a light snack for this 6-speed auto, HD, demon-powered towing machine. With its Z71 Off-road package, you can enter dirt track races while towing your 17,lb life-size robot collection and a hot tub full of topless super models, and still win. All while outrunning the cops and mowing down zombies with your Mack truck-resembling chrome front bumper.

More technologically advanced than the Starship Enterprise, this truck will transport you in style while trusting you with all of its secrets. Wondering what your oil pressure is but don&#;t want go outside to check? Simply consult your smartphone and unveil everything you desire to know. Tire pressure, engine temperature, gas level, oil pressure, can all be summoned and accessible to you alone at the touch of your fingertip. Your friends will start to wonder how you became so wise and the Oracle from the Matrix will be calling to ask you for advice.

With its liter V8, this truck will transport you to your destination faster than you can say Bad Mother [email&#;protected]#er and will arrive with about the subtlety of a tectonic plate shifting during the earthquake. Yes people will stare, my friend. Because you are always the winner in the reaux sham beaux that is your life; because rock trumps scissors, paper trumps rock, but a swift kick to the balls trumps paper, every time.

The rear automatic sliding glass window allows you to make sure that the grizzly you killed with your bare hands hasn&#;t come back to life. Or the sled you loaded up to high mark Mt McKinley hasn&#;t budged an inch. Since your 6 1/2&#; bed is Rhino Lined with ¼&#; of near bullet-proof rubber, your big boy toys will be safely transported to the fiery inferno&#;s of hell and back, because that is where you go to play.

But what about the interior you ask? Hundreds of lambs died an honorable death to effectuate leather soft enough to make-up this hulk&#;s supple interior. The climate can be controlled to subliminal perfection by the shear omnipotent power in your callused right hand. The perpetually-complaining-about-the-cold woman in your life will be happy to know that heat can be generated at the touch of a button that will literally light a fire under her ass. In addition to heated (and cooled) seats, it&#;s power can be summoned from anywhere on the planet; it&#;s 8 powerful pistons coaxed into roaring to life for you alone, because you are the Lone Ranger, but Silver has nothing on this faithful steed. Sitting in the command center of this batmobile black, panty-dropping stallion, you will have more features at your fingertips than that kid David in &#;Flight of the Navigator,&#; but you will look like a lot less of a douche, because you aren&#;t flying a talking space ship 3 yards from the ground. You&#;re Han Solo, flying the Millennium Falcon, and The Force is for pussies.

Yes, this truck may have more options than a menu at Village Inn, but don&#;t let its Babylonian luxury fool you. It may have you feeling richer than a Russian Czar but it is about as tameable as a rogue wave and will chew you up and spit you out if you do not give it the respect it commands. But command it you will, and respect you will have because this truck is intimidating. Corvettes, Challengers and other gutless vehicles scurry out of its way, even when it&#;s in the slow lane. The pilot car in construction sites escorts it through immediately, even when it&#;s the only vehicle in line. It can out run the cops in 2nd gear, and does. It will park in a handicap space, then tow the tow-truck away. It will be the best man at your wedding, sleep with your bride, and never call her again. Yeah, it&#;s that bad.

If you like the looks of this truck but don&#;t think that is worth every bit of $45,, then do not bother calling. Because this truck is the lovechild of Optimus Prime and Kit from knight Rider and if you don&#;t recognize its true potential, than you do not deserve to be at the helm of such an almighty machine.

Skip the dealership, all you will get there is a long-winded sales pitch. . &#;

For more information email, call, or text Caitlin

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THE ORIGINAL AD

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Best Of BangShift A Wheels Up 'Cuda Climbs The Wall At Half Track And Takes Down Poles Along The WayBest of BangShift Two Guys Perform The Worst Trailer Loading Operation In History


 


Sours: https://bangshift.com/general-news/craigslist-find/funny-craigslist-truck-ad-an-alaskan-womans-gmc-truck-ad-to-end-all-truck-ads/

Here's the deal guys This is not a brand new luxury truck with all the bells and whistles or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, leaf springs, wind noise, character, and more stories than your grandpa. It's a truck. It rides like a truck. It drives like a truck. All of these are GOOD things.

It is not new, it is not pristine, it is 30 years old.

If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If you have been posting on Facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and complain a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a BS job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If you own a Bieber album, white Oakley&#x;s, affliction t-shirts, or those cheesy stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid stuff: THIS MIGHT BE YOUR TRUCK.

Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?

Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this "?

While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, "I could hit that from here with the "?

Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?

Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?

When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fence-line do you consider taking on another project?

Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?

-could you not care less?

Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?

Do you still miss your first ride?

Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?

Remember when tool companies had the stones to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?

Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?

If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding:

THIS MIGHT BE YOUR TRUCK.

Here&#x;s what you&#x;re getting:

Ford F (HD)
ci (L) (new tuned cfm edelbrock carb with electric choke)
4X4
4spd manual
rear end (goes down the highway at speed just fine unlike other vintage trucks)
Solid steel custom flatbed with custom headache rack with all new wiring
All new LED lighting
class 5 receiver hitch with new 7 pin trailer wiring
turn over gooseneck ball with new 7 pin trailer wiring
Dual fuel tanks
Chrome rims with good Hankook Dynapro tires
electronic brake controller
High output heater

QUESTIONS:

-Why are you selling?
I have 5 kids and the police frown on stacking them like dominos in a single cab truck. Apparently their safety is much more important than mine was when I was a kid.

-What's wrong with it?
It thinks it's a dog and marks its territory a little, it&#x;s a big block directly descended from the Internal Combustion Gods so it uses a little oil. Better to use it than not have it. And the speedometer recently stopped working, but again, that's a bell or a whistle you don't really need anyway.

-Does the 4WD work?
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.

-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
No. I'm not in the salvage business. Buy the truck. Love the truck. Give the truck a job.

-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?

No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number] Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner honda project down the road. I think I'm plenty cheap for this beast.

-Can I put a 6" lift and giant tires on it?
I don't care. But be sure to use quality components and for God's sake - get it aligned after a lift!

-Would this make a good truck for my son?
Hell. Yes. Not only a good truck, a learning experience. Introduction to vehicular maintenance. Additionally, it's a great truck for him to make some of those huntin', muddin', "hold my beer and watch this" memories that you and I have.

-Can you deliver?
Within reason. Except anywhere in oil country. But really, you should come get it. Look it over. Have a beer. Etc.

-Will you take a personal check/ Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead? No. I'll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don't show.

-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.

-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That's great, I don't care. Unicef ain't running this deal, and until they do I want $ Why? Because I don't HAVE to sell this little beauty. Truth be known, I'd rather keep it. But my wife and the local PD says no.

-Why are you such a dick?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.

Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.

Sours: https://thefox.com/hilarious-craigslist-inspired-ad-for-bisman-truck-goes-viral/
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This Ad For A &#;73 Hi-boy Is The Best Thing You Will Read All Day

hilarious craigslist ad

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If you have been posting on Facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU. Have you ever uttered the words, &#;Hold my beer and watch this &#;&#;?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, &#;I could hit that from here with the &#;&#;?

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Sours: https://blacksmokemedia.com/this-ad-for-ahi-boy-is-the-best-thing-you-will-read-all-day/

Funny Craigslist Vehicle Ads

If you&#;ve ever fallen down the rabbit hole of the crazy craigslist ads, then you know what we&#;re about to show you is no joke. These ads are not only real, they&#;re hilarious and they need to be seen. That&#;s where we come in. We&#;ve found some of the most honest, ridiculous and amusing car ads on craigslist and brought them to you. So enjoy what you see &#; and do yourself a favor, read the fine print&#;that&#;s where the magic hides!

You win some, you lose some, and some days the squirrel just gets the best of you! This BMW took a squirrel head on and didn’t have its way&#; must have been a rather large squirrel. This is a pretty tame example to start us off, we didn&#;t want to shock you too hard right out of the gate. But stay tuned and see how crazy some of these get!

Grammar was not their forte. A real fixer- upper, this truck in its original glory revolutionized the truck industry. Ford, the industry standard, set the bar wildly high with this truck release and forced Chevrolet and GMC to upgrade or be left in the dust!

Lawn enthusiasts beware, weed whacking will ensue! From what was originally a functioning truck, has been parted out and now resides in a jungle behind this individual’s home. No wheels will make for an interesting extraction!

In search of a set of wings? Once off the ground, what will be the means of propulsion? Like a modern day Wright Brothers, this inventor and visionary has assembled a potpourri of vehicles and, just maybe, changed the game forever!

A hard sell, but very tempting! Honda Accords are known for their longevity and mediocre performance. Are you a high school student, looking to take your crush to the movies, but are super nervous and afraid to ask her out, so you never do, and then 10 years later you see on Facebook she marries some loser and you’re like ‘ah should have been me. I’d treat her better’? If so this is the car for you!

The mother of all conversions, the drop top mini-van. Gaze your eyes upon this beauty, which is neither a sports car, nor a family van but a new era in American ingenuity, the Breezy Cargo Cruiser.

Audi is German engineering at its pinnacle. This particular machine has stood the test of time, with its shining glory, boasting a price tag of $ with only 89, miles. What a steal!

Nissan is known for their longevity, and this piece of equipment is no exception. Though this vehicle seems to have been through many tribulations, it is undoubtedly resilient in its nature.

 

Toyota cars will arguably outlast any other car on the market. Bells and whistles? Not necessary! The luxury items become a taxing hassle in the end anyway. Look no further for the unmatched beast, Toyota Avalon!

Are you a fruit fanatic? Look no further! This premium “avocado a go-go” will leave your peers green with envy. What was once only a delicious snack, is now a revolutionary mode of transportation!

Utilizing the ‘long shot’ photography method, this user highlights the car in its ultimate glory, perched between two trees. As a lover of all things in nature, this car is naturally nestled in earth’s roughage.

One person’s loss is another person’s gain! This creative user turned a less than ideal situation into an opportunity for a new lease on love. Come get a car and a date!

The general consensus is traditional snow cat designs are outdated. The Caddilac Bombardier sv snow cat is functional beyond comprehension. With its ability to hold upwards of 20 pairs of skis, plus skiers, the passengers will be transported in ultimate luxury through mountainous terrain.

Straight out of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch box, this Mazda Miata is ready for the road! What was once only thought of as a C-Grade happy meal toy, is now the ultimate off brand racing machine. Enjoy it&#;s Turbo Smart hybrid engine and large front mount inter-cooler, guaranteed to keep you beverages frosty in the hot summer sun!

Striving to be more eco- friendly? How about a bike powered car? One to steer and one to pedal, two people will be needed to power this custom rig. Bask in it&#;s hybrid glory where man and machine join forces in ultimate eco-friendly harmony.

All she needs is some TLC! The Plymouth Dusters, known for their outrageous insurance rates and exhaust noise guaranteed to annoy your neighbors, have held their value through the years. This particular model has sold at auction for $22,!

Get Your Kicks On Route.. 65? Originally made famous by Chuck Berry, the song Route 66 is based on a legendary highway that runs coast to coast. Other notable cultural portrayals of Route 66 can be seen in Disney’s &#;Cars&#; () film, which has grown to be an extensive film franchise.

If you’re in the market for authentic desert fauna, to complete your dwelling&#;s thatch. Look no further&#; this gentleman&#;s got a fresh batch! This is a proper Saguaro, however it comes with a catch. You may notice the protrusion through the window, there is a car attached! A piece of art may be what suits you, the kind that&#;s abstract. If so, this car-cactus combo is the perfect match!

Driving a Subaru WRX comes with a long list of stereotypes- one of which being most owners, are also avid ‘vapers’. Vaping was made popular in the late s as an alternative to smoking, but has caught recent negative attention for it’s indirect marketing campaigns to attract teen consumers.

Suave is the first word that comes to mind. This beast’s birth date is unbeknownst, yet she&#;s aged like a bottle of fine wine. What once may have been considered a relic, is now gaining a second wind and is ready to hit the streets!

“Shocks, Pegs? Lucky.” &#; Napoleon Dynamite. Well, not exactly. This unit was a page taken out of Bruce Wayne’s arsenal. Guaranteed to make you run faster and jump higher, 4 tires is better than 2, especially on a motorcycle!

Taking names and breaking hearts. The Yamaha YZ has stood the test of time for one of the best dirt bikes to hit the market. Featured in Disney’s Channels feature film “Motocrossed” (), this motorcycle has been known to please amateurs and pros alike!

This car, sold as-is, comes with a guaranteed hassle free, compliment-less ride! No more bothersome comments on your new pristine whip. Save time and energy not having to deal with unnecessary interjections!

Extended clip! Get the most bang for your buck with this custom Camaro stretch. Featuring seating for 15 people, original factory rims, and a matte finish, $ is the best deal this side of the Mississippi!

Sours: https://mentertained.com/craigslist-ads/

Truck funny ads craigslist

The Story Behind That Hilarious Toyota Corolla Craigslist Ad

Image for article titled The Story Behind That Hilarious Toyota Corolla Craigslist Ad

It’s extremely hard to be funny in the written word, so much so that you should probably not even try. Which makes this Craigslist ad all the more remarkable, because it is very funny. So much so that we’re contravening an unofficial Jalopnik policy of not posting Zany Craigslist Ads to this website.

First, the ad in full. It has been taken down from Craigslist but you can still view in its original glory on the Wayback Machine. It’s title was, “ Toyota Corolla — Fine AF.” The text:

You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that’s hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.

The Toyota Corolla.

Let’s talk about features.

Bluetooth: nope

Sunroof: nope

Fancy wheels: nope

Rear view camera: nopebut it’s got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.

Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn’t give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.

You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.

This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.

Things this car is old enough to do:

Vote: yes

Consent to sex: yes

Rent a car: it IS a car

This car’s got history. It’s seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It’s not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.

Interesting facts:

This car’s exterior color is gray, but it’s interior color is grey.

In the owner’s manual, oil is listed as “optional.”

When this car was unveiled at the Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2, attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary “Bored to Death: The Story of the Toyota Corolla”

You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.

Favorite food: spaghetti

Favorite tv show: Alf

Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms

This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It’s as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It’s as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.

When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, “It’s a Corolla. It’s fine.”

Let’s face the facts, this car isn’t going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn’t the car you want, it’s the car you deserve: The fucking Toyota Corolla.

The ad is the work of Jason Hlavenka, a Houston resident who decided to reluctantly unload the Corolla after it had, more or less, outlived its usefulness, he told Jalopnik in an email. Oh, and also a little thing called safety:

The original plan was to keep this car forever. I had visions of gradually restoring it to its original glory in a rented garage and then unveiling the car to my extremely disappointed daughter when she turned My plan changed after my wife came across a youtube video of a head-on crash test between a corolla and corolla. As you can imagine, ‘99 corollas are basically death traps by today’s safety standards, and for the safety of our kids, she insisted we get a new carsafety of our kids, mind you, not me.

Hlavenka first posted the car on eBay motors earlier this month, asking $2, for it, which he says was probably a bit steep. Getting no takers, he said he decided to “try a different approach” on Craigslist. Initially, that didn’t work either, and he ended up selling it for $1, to someone via the for-sale sign on the car.

Then, the Craigslist ad blew up, going viral thanks to this guy’s tweet:

The timing is never quite what you want it to be, seeing as how Hlavenka probably could’ve got more than $1, out of the Corolla post-internet fame.

“I’m not a writer or comedian, but I did start a Twitter account @TheCorollaGuy so famous people can reach out and offer to buy me new Corollas,” he said. “That’s how Twitter works, right?”

Below, the Corolla in all its glory:

Image for article titled The Story Behind That Hilarious Toyota Corolla Craigslist Ad
Image for article titled The Story Behind That Hilarious Toyota Corolla Craigslist Ad
Image for article titled The Story Behind That Hilarious Toyota Corolla Craigslist Ad
Image for article titled The Story Behind That Hilarious Toyota Corolla Craigslist Ad
Image for article titled The Story Behind That Hilarious Toyota Corolla Craigslist Ad
Image for article titled The Story Behind That Hilarious Toyota Corolla Craigslist Ad
Image for article titled The Story Behind That Hilarious Toyota Corolla Craigslist Ad
Sours: https://jalopnik.com/the-story-behind-one-of-the-funniest-craigslist-car-ads
Funny Used Truck Craigslist Ad #parody #funny #comedy

Ambassador Alex. When will you learn to behave yourself in a proper way. Why did you insult by giving nicknames to the leaders of the Alliance. Faina. Fuck you.

Now discussing:

The girl wished herself the same charge of optimism that came from Danila, but the harsh reality did not give to soar in the clouds for a. Long time. An hour later, Maxim will appear, and at night, she will lie just like this under him, legs apart and pretend that she is pleased with his.

Caresses.



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